When I tell people that I have experienced anxiety my whole life, they are often shocked.
When I tell clients that the very same skills I teach them, I have used in my own life, they are surprised that I also struggle.
The truth is, I have had to learn how to regulate myself — even when feeling physiologically overwhelmed.
It’s not about never feeling anxiety again; it’s about learning how to walk through it without letting it control me.

As I sit here writing this blog post, I can physically feel a tight constriction in my throat.
It’s as if a four-pound weight is pulling my head downward. The sensation stretches into my chest and heart area, heavy and uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, this feeling isn’t unfamiliar to me.
I’ve felt it many times before.
I recognize it now as a fear-based emotion of some kind — though I can’t quite put my finger on exactly what fear it is.
All I know for certain is that it doesn’t feel good.

A few minutes ago, I paused what I was doing. I got down on the floor and did some simple stretches while listening to a worship song called “Jireh.”
By simply getting my mind off of work, off of my to-do list, and back onto something bigger than myself — the feeling in my throat disappeared.

That’s the power of self-regulation.

It wasn’t that I suppressed what I was feeling.
I didn’t try to ignore it, or shame myself for feeling it.
Instead, I acknowledged the discomfort, gave it some space, cared for my body, and gently shifted my attention.
I still felt it — but it didn’t get to control my day.

Regulation isn't about suppressing what you feel.
It's about learning how to feel it fully without letting it dictate your actions.

Modern psychology calls this skill emotional regulation.
It’s a core theme in several fields of therapy, especially Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

Marsha Linehan, the founder of DBT, was one of the earliest major voices to teach this truth.
She showed that regulating emotions isn’t about stuffing them down or pretending they don’t exist.
It’s about feeling them, understanding them, and responding wisely rather than impulsively.

Similarly, the founders of ACT, like Steven C. Hayes, emphasized the acceptance of emotions instead of trying to "shut them off" or control them with sheer willpower.
They teach that emotions are not enemies — they are messengers, and learning how to hear them without being overrun by them is a core part of healing.

In the field of trauma recovery, Bessel van der Kolk (author of The Body Keeps the Score) teaches that emotions must be felt in a healthy, integrated way — not numbed out, not unleashed recklessly, and not buried under denial.
We need to feel our emotions and still remain grounded in who we are and who we are becoming.

I saw this truth come alive in my own life.

I started my trauma healing journey in May of 2022 when I began seeing an EMDR-trained specialist.
Ironically, I had already been trained in EMDR myself and had been practicing it with others for some time — so I knew, clinically, the power of processing emotions.
But sitting in the client chair was a completely different experience.

My personal therapy journey gave me the opportunity to truly sit with my emotions, to accept them without judgment, and to process them in a way that brought healing and breakthrough I had never previously experienced.
Theories became real.
Skills became life-changing.
Healing wasn't just something I talked about anymore — it became something I lived.

God invites us to live this way too — to walk in emotional honesty without letting emotions dictate our every move.
He doesn’t ask us to pretend or to bury what we feel.
He invites us into a life of emotional truthfulness, surrendered to His wisdom, led by His Spirit.

When we combine the tools of wise therapy with the truth of Scripture, we give ourselves the best chance to heal deeply — not just learning to survive emotions, but to walk through them into freedom.

Final Thought

Feeling your emotions is part of being human.
But learning how to feel them fully without letting them dictate your actions is part of becoming spiritually and emotionally mature.

If you find yourself overwhelmed by emotions, I encourage you to start with God's Word. His wisdom brings light into every dark or confusing place.
And if you need support along the way, therapy focused on emotional regulation can be a powerful tool to help you reclaim your heart, your mind, and your hope.

Healing is possible.
Freedom is possible.
You don't have to be ruled by your emotions — you can learn to walk with them in wisdom.

One step at a time, with God leading the way.

Walking with you in healing and hope,

Aaron Akua Collins, LMFT

Aaron Akua Collins is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in trauma recovery, relationship processing, and Christian faith-based healing.